FINNEY’S 5: Abe Lincoln’s reaction to the end of the penny
The U.S. Treasury is doing away with the penny and here our crack staff got an exclusive interview with the man whose portrait adorned the coin since 1909.
“So does this mean people will be so rich they don’t have to bend over and pick up a nickel now?”
“Finally those chumps from DOGE got something right.”
“I’m Abraham Lincoln, yo. My money doesn’t jingle, jingle; it folds.”
“I feel bad for all those guys who have those machines that smash a penny into a souvenirs at tourist traps.”
“Ugh, can we talk about this later? I saw this lousy play last night and I’ve had a terrible headache ever since.”
Finney’s 5 is an occasional humor column exclusive to paid subscribers of the Paragraph Stacker. It is not meant to be taken seriously, so if you did, knock it off. Laugh a little. It saves on the Pepto-Bismol costs.
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