The University of Iowa is in Iowa City, the statewide distributor of arrogance.
Iowa State University is in Ames, the statewide distributor of insecurity.
The Hawkeyes’ offense is based on the 1976 Mattel Electronic Football Game.
Cyclone Coach Matt Campbell is a confirmed candidate for all current and future openings in college football, NFL, the governorship of Iowa, Joni Ernst’s Senate seat, deacon of your local United Methodist Church, and the presidency of the United States, and this will be discussed at length between every play.
Some people in Iowa, like the rest of the United States, just don’t give a flying flip about the outcome of the game and everyone should be just fine with that.
FINNEY’S 5 is an occasional humor column by exiled newspaperman Daniel P. Finney that is not meant to be taken seriously under any circumstances. If you did so, wash throughly with sterile water and watch 3 hours of Looney Tunes.
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DANIEL P. FINNEY is a member of the IOWA WRITERS COLLABORATIVE, but don’t hold that against them. Please visit their page to view a full roster of writers and consider subscribing to their columns. Writing is hard work; people ought to get paid for it. If you enjoy it, throw them a couple of bucks. They earned it.