FINNEY’S 5: Evolution of birthday celebrations
Age 10: Party with friends, cake with Big Bird on it, Big Wheel races, and squirt gun battles.
Age 16: Driver’s license and the freedom to roam, pick up dates, and crash at least once to prove actuaries right about your absurdly high insurance rates.
Age 21: Go out with your pals and buy beer at a bar “for the first time ever.”
Age 25: Celebrate car insurance going down.
Age 50: Get your first shingles vaccination and cortisone shots in your knees, maybe stop for a gas station fish sandwich on the way home.
Finney’s 5 is an occasional humor column by exiled newspaper columnist Daniel P. Finney. It is not meant to be taken seriously, so if you did, knock it off. Laugh a little. It saves on Pepto-Bismol costs.
FINNEY’S NIFTY 50 SPECIAL: The Paragraph Stacker’s chief typist, Daniel P. Finney, turns 50 in June. Celebrate by becoming a paid subscriber at a 50% discount for your first year.
Just wait until you turn 77 like me.