FINNEY’S 5: Excuses for why Des Moines police officer left rifle on the roof of his patrol SUV
“So a cop can’t leave his rifle on the roof anymore? That’s woke bull—!”
“That’s how I did it in Grand Theft Auto V. Honestly, that game is basically the academy’s whole training curriculum.”
“If you think that’s bad, you’re really not going to like the story about where I left my pants.”
“What can I tell you, Chief? I’m more than a little nervous about whatever’s in those Epstein files.”
“First, can we agree this ‘hearing’ needs to be a judgment-free safe space? Great. THC gummy, anyone?”
FINNEY’S 5 is an occasional humor column by exiled newspaperman Daniel P. Finney that is not meant to be taken seriously. If you did, stop it. Sine sale, gravis nimis.