1. Romans named Monday after the Moon — a cosmic force of tides, cycles, and the night sky. Now it’s alarm clocks, morning email, and existential dread.
2. A wolf chased the Norse moon god Máni across the sky, signaling Ragnarök — the end of the world. Feels on brand for Monday.
3. The first night game at Wrigley Field was Monday, Aug. 8, 1988 — and it was rained out in the fourth inning.
4. A 2014 study at Cornell University found people weigh more on Mondays than the rest of the week — blamed on weekend eating habits, less exercise, and the 20 gallons of coffee needed to wake up.
5. Garfield first complained about Mondays on Sept. 18, 1978 — and 47 years later, reading that worn trope might be the most fun you’ll have all day.
FINNEY’S 5 is an occasional humor column by exiled newspaperman Daniel P. Finney that is not meant to be taken seriously. If you did, stop it. Sine sale, gravis nimis.