FINNEY’S 5: Other issues Trump plans to deploy the National Guard to solve
The president plans to quell anti-deportation protests in L.A. with 2,000 National Guard troops. Here are some other potential deployments.
Send troops to every McDonald’s where the ice machine is down.
Door-to-door raids to find the people who sent mean tweets about him.
Deploy disaster teams to Tesla dealerships to prevent the sale of Cybertrucks.
Full-frontal assault on Stark Tower to get the secrets of the Iron Man armor.
Protect and defend the manufacturing process at Sunless Inc., the nation’s largest producer of spray tan chemicals.
Finney’s 5 is an occasional humor column by exiled newspaper columnist Daniel P. Finney. It is not meant to be taken seriously, so if you did, knock it off. Laugh a little. It saves on Pepto-Bismol costs.
FINNEY’S NIFTY 50 SPECIAL: The Paragraph Stacker’s chief typist, Daniel P. Finney, turns 50 in June. Celebrate by becoming a paid subscriber at a 50% discount for your first year.