FINNEY’S 5: Reasons I never married (according to romanic comedies)
Played Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” on a boom box held over my head near my ex-girlfriend’s house to win back her heart; arrested and charged with disturbing the peace and served a restraining order.
Interrupting her $33,000 wedding to declare my love at the last possible moment was not received as positively as anticipated.
Making prolonged, loud orgasm noises not as charming to others in dinner as previously believed.
It turns out men and women can be friends.
Women not as receptive to the old “pretend to be my girlfriend/wife to cover this big lie I told my family” scheme as movies would have us believe.
FINNEY’S NIFTY 50 SPECIAL: The Paragraph Stacker’s chief typist, Daniel P. Finney, turns 50 in June. Celebrate by becoming a paid subscriber at a 50% discount for your first year.
FEAR COMMITMENT? We hear at the Paragraph Factory understand. Our main man is 50 and has never been close to being married. But if you liked this column, buy him a cup of coffee. It’s like a tip, but with caffeine.