FINNEY’S 5: Things I wish didn't know now that I didn't know then
This edition of Finney's 5 is inspired lyrics from the Bob Seger song "Against the Wind."
Coyotes run at 43 mph. Road runners max out at 20 mph. This ruined my favorite Looney Tunes cartoons for me.
A disease called Shope papillomavirus causes cottontail rabbits to grow horn-like warts, which means jackalopes are real, just gross, mutated Easter bunnies.
Professional wrestling is scripted, which means I wasted a lot of time being pissed off at Sgt. Slaughter for his heel turn in 1990.
“Let’s get together sometime” is the adult way of saying “I will absolutely not be seeing you again.”
AI has way too much “A” and not enough “I.”
Finney’s 5 is an occasional humor column exclusive to paid subscribers of the Paragraph Stacker. It is not meant to be taken seriously, so if you did, knock it off. Laugh a little. It saves on the Pepto-Bismol costs.
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