FINNEY’S 5: Things that will never make sense

1. That universal certainty that even when you replace your windshield wipers, the one on the driver’s side will leave steaks of water right at your eye line.

2. That people who hold meetings open with an icebreaker, named ironically as the practice clearly comes from the fiery depths of hell.

3. That the gel deodorant always runs out when you’ve got one armpit covered but one naked.

4. That the letter “Q” in cursive looks like a goddamn “2.” Is a it because they rhyme?

5. That the word colonel is somehow pronounced the same as kernel and English speakers just accept that.

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Finney’s 5 is an occasional humor column exclusive to paid subscribers of the Paragraph Stacker. It is not meant to be taken seriously, so if you did, knock it off. Laugh a little. It saves on the Pepto-Bismol costs.

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