FINNEY’S 5: Trade war consequences
Due increased costs, Hogwarts Express now has layovers in Dallas-Fort Worth and Denver.
Omelettes now less affordable than houses for millennials and Gen Z.
Ticketmaster increases mysteries “order processing fee” by 873% — not because of trade war, just because they can.
Players traded to Toronto Blue Jays subject to import-export tariffs; players traded from Toronto Blue Jays subject to playing for 0-7 Atlanta Braves.
Hell imposed a 68% tariff on new souls entering the realm of the damned — increased to 83% if they died while driving a Cybertruck.
Finney’s 5 is an occasional humor column exclusive to paid subscribers of the Paragraph Stacker. It is not meant to be taken seriously, so if you did, knock it off. Laugh a little. It saves on the Pepto-Bismol costs.
Loved #5!