FINNEY'S 5: Trump-Musk breakup texts

The meglomaniac buddies bent on wrecking the world are on the rocks. Our crack investigative team has uncovered has unearthed their private texts.

1. TRUMP: When you stay the night, you always leave the toilet seat up.
   ELON: At least I hit the toilet.

2. ELON: You always hog the covers.
   TRUMP: You nag me more than Melania use to when we slept in the same bed.

3. ELON: How can I trust a man who does so much blow?
   TRUMP: How can I trust a man who does so much ketamine, ecstacy, psychadelic mushrooms, and Adderall?

4. ELON: I quit! You forgot our anniversary!
   TRUMP: I gave you the power to cripple the federal government! What more do you want?

5. TRUMP: The Cybertruck is garbage.
   ELON: You’re not a real billionaire.

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Finney’s 5 is an occasional humor column by exiled newspaper columnist Daniel P. Finney. It is not meant to be taken seriously, so if you did, knock it off. Laugh a little. It saves on Pepto-Bismol costs.

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