FINNEY'S 5: Valentine's Day notes that land different
True love is saying the quiet part out loud.l — and immediately regretting it.
“I love you the way Oscar the Grouch loves garbage.”
“I love you unconditionally — limited only by the terms and conditions of our signed and notarized prenuptial agreement.”
“Take this heart-shaped box of chocolates, each candy representing a different way I love you — except for the three missing ones, because I practice self care love.”
“I love you — OH, GOD! THEY’VE GOT THE TANK! ATTACK THE RIGHT FLANK! — What, baby? Why would you think I’m playing video games?”
“My therapist says,” checks notes, “I should tell you I love you even when I kind of wish you were dead.”
FINNEY’S 5 is an occasional humor column by exiled newspaperman Daniel P. Finney that is not meant to be taken seriously. If you did, stop it. Sine sale, gravis nimis.
First draft ready, Daniel.