FINNEY’S 5: What to tell the aliens when they invade
Warn otherworldly visitors that our “leader” really does not like aliens.
I don’t do probes anymore; I use non-invasive Cologuard.
Are you here to take Tilda Swinton home?
I’m sorry, but unless you pay an 827% tariff extraterrestrial goods, you’re going to have to turn this thing — wait, I’m being told the tariffs have paused. OK, buddy, go on in — Wait! Hold it! The tariffs are back on. For over the cas— Hey, what are you doing with that ray gun … ZZAP!
Yeah, it’s true what you’ve hear: Caitlin Clark scored 22 points in 2 minutes during a scrimmage against men.
Ll Finney’s 5 is an occasional humor column exclusive to paid subscribers of the Paragraph Stacker. It is not meant to be taken seriously, so if you did, knock it off. Laugh a little. It saves on the Pepto-Bismol costs.
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These are so good, Daniel. Thank you! Lord knows we all could use some laughs to help us put this week to rest.